And To The Winner Go The Spoils
by Shayz
Summary: Girls Poker Night Atlantis style. Vignettes, clips of conversations...hints to shweir as seen through the ladies. ONESHOT. COMPLETE


_Starring_: Dr. Lindsey Novak – Daedalus, Lt. Laura Cadman, Dr. Katie Brown

_Also Starring OC's_: Sgt. Sharon Fuller – AC-3 "Maddog", Dr. Katrina Morgan "the Brit", Lt. Tabitha Forest - Daedalus

**_With special appearances by Dr. Elizabeth Weir and Col. John Sheppard_**

Rating: PG-13 for language.

SPOILERS: _Duet_

Disclaimer: Don't own it; just borrowing the universe for a short while...and some fun. Have no money; please don't sue.

* * *

**And To The Winner Go The Spoils**

Keeping their heads down, the women file into the room off the main corridor, each carrying a small blue duffel bag.

Lt. Laura Cadman stands at attention in the door frame, still in her khakis and beret, waiting patiently as the others pass by. She does not smile, she does not draw attention. Her eyes remain watchful in case someone unexpected turns the corner and wonders about this sudden late night meeting of the minds.

Dr. Lindsey Novak fresh off the Daedalus, still wearing her blue flight suit enters first followed by the shy, professionally dressed Dr. Katie Brown.

Sgt. Sharon Fuller, better known at "Maddog" just returned from an off-world mission with the rest of AG-3 and her short red hair is still wet from a quick shower, dripping on her white T-shirt. So far, she's the only one who is dressed appropriately for the next several hours. She winks and clucks her tongue at Cadman as she saunters inside. Cadman tries to keep a straight face.

Dressed like Novak, Lt. Tabitha Forest also of the Daedalus rushes down the hall, her lanky body stiff, arms moving at her sides as if they're made of bamboo sticks, she offers Lt. Cadman a small smile of apology for being late. Cadman nods curtly.

Lt. Cadman's about to let the door shut when she hears, "Hold up!" Dr. Katriana Morgan shouts from down the hall. Her deep voice echoes within the empty corridor and can probably be heard a mile away. Lt. Cadman glares and shushes her.

The Brit shakes her long dark curls in passing, "Don't be givin' me the bloody stink-eye, li'l un, or ya won't be gettin' a drop of my party favors." Cadman smirks at that, stifling a chuckle. Dr. Morgan calls everyone "li'l un" even though she's the youngest in the group. Her upper-crust British accent distracts from the scientist's sarcastic snarkiness, making everything she says sound totally cool.

The door slides closed and Laura claps her hands together. "Okay then. All rank and designated titles hereby suspended. Kat, start the pouring." Laura opens two bags of potato chips and a bowl of pre-made onion dip, spoils from her last trip to Earth. Katriana pulls two bottles of Crown Royal out of her bag. Everyone brought their own mug and they set them in front of her.

"Always the high brow with you, Kat," Katie says. "Not that I'm complaining…but have you ever had a margarita?"

Katriana's brow furrows. "Bloody tequila makes me blow. I'd much rather scoff some good vodka if I'm going that route."

"Absolute?" Tabitha asks.

"Grey Goose. Kettle One."

"Good stuff." Sharon sniffs her drink. "This Whisky."

Katriana gapes at the scruffily adorable soldier. "You've never had Crown?" Kat shakes her head sympathetically. "Silly girl. Well, we won't be puttin' up with any of that, now. Down it goes."

Sharon arches a brow then gulps down her drink and lets out a satisfied sigh and smacks her lips. "Wow. More please."

Laura opens the lid of a small trunk. "Let's fill the kitty." The others drop their duffels and start pulling out whatever they have to offer into the winner's cache. They'd set up the rules early: no one can use the same stake twice, but anything goes under ten dollars, only no booze. The booze must be consumed at the game.

"Host first," Katriana says, still pouring out party favors.

"Right," Laura unzips her duffel and pulls out a large family bag of… "Cool Ranch Doritos!" She grins, shaking the bag enthusiastically. A uniform gasp echoes within the room along with a couple of oohs and aahs.

"Well that beats out my pretzels," Katie says with a little chuckle, tossing her large bag into the designated trunk. She glances at Lindsey. "You should have warned me to be inventive."

Lindsey shrugs a shoulder. "Sorry."

"That's okay, Katie," Sharon says. "I think I've got Laura beat this time, with…" She pulls out her stash. "A six-pack of Dr. Pepper! Hoo-ya!"

A round of Hoo-ya's echoes and Laura bows her head in acceptance of defeat. Everyone laughs. "Lindsey?"

Lindsey smiles slyly, slowly exposing her prize possession. "Battlestar Galactica the mini-series!"

"Get out!" Laura grins ear-to-ear, whipping the DVD away from Lindsey's grasp.

"Hey that's more than ten bucks!" Sharon grumbles.

Laura bugs out her eyes. "I think we can make an exception!" She flashes the cover for the others. "It's the new one!"

"With Edward James?" Katriana flushes a bit.

"The one and only," Laura sighs and a collective "aaah" rises from the other women.

"Still…we had the rule," Katie says.

"If it makes you all feel any better, I got it for free. Twice. So instead of returning it…" She motions to the kitty.

Sharon scrunches her face. "Oh, well. In that case. It's in!" She grins.

Laura nods. "We are certainly not above re-gifting here."

Tabitha's grabs the DVD and hugs it to her chest. "That guy playing Apollo is _so_ my boyfriend."

"Only in your dreams, Tabs," Sharon chuckles.

"He's British, you know," Katriana adds.

Tabitha instantly turns to the other woman, eyes wide. "Do you know him?"

Katriana's broad grin has a wicked touch. "Of course, all of us Brits know each other. It's required by English law." A universal giggle erupts and Tabitha realizes she's been played.

"You are too easy, Tabs." Sharon says, shaking her head.

Tabitha flashes a mock glare at Sharon before setting the DVD in the bin. "You know, we should call _you_ Starbuck." Sharon growls deep in her throat, hence the 'Maddog' nickname and everyone laughs. "So, I take it, Lindsey's beats out my two giant Mr. Goodbars, then." Tabitha sighs.

"I don't know," Laura says, raising her brows. "Anyone PMSing?" A couple of them clear their throats. "Sounds like Linds may have competition after all."

Katriana finishes setting the mugs in front of each stack of colorful chips then drops into her chair and nonchalantly tosses a small box into the center of the table.

The five other women stop and stare at the last stake. Laura's gaze ricochets off the box to Katriana then back to the box. She clears her throat. "Okay then. Raise your hand if you think Katriana's the winner this week."

Katriana's lips part into a haughty grin, sticking her tongue between her teeth. She crosses her arms over her chest as the other women each raise a hand high in the air.

"Dude," Sharon starts. "If you weren't a chick, I'd be totally mackin' on you."

Laura studies the box longingly before tossing it into the kitty. "Hell, I'm tempted anyway." She closes the lid and returns to her duffel.

Katriana chuckles. "Where's my door prize, li'l un?"

"Close your eyes," Laura says. Katriana does and waits until the prize is settled into her hands. When she opens her eyes, she lets lose a high-pitched squeal that makes the others laugh.

"A gift from the gods! My own squeezable soft six-pack!"

"You gonna share, chicky?" Lindsey takes her seat next to Katriana.

"Sorry, babe. This TP's all mine."

"Okay, fun's over. Let's get down to business," Laura says. The other women instantly fill the remaining seats around the table. Laura shuffles the cards. "Everyone's got 500. The game's five-card draw, jacks or better to open, nothing wild. Everybody ante."

Six white chips are tossed into the center of the table.

* * *

"I don't know about that," Katie says, wrinkling her brow. "I fold."

"Fold," Tabitha says.

"I'm in and raise 5." Sharon tosses a chip into the pot. "Rumor is, they're part human."

"Call." Laura rolls her eyes. "It's too disturbing to think about."

"Fold," Katriana tosses in her cards.

"Raise 5 more," Lindsey says. "It's simple biology. I don't see any other way for there to be so many of them."

"I think I'm gonna yak." Sharon burps raising her brows at Lindsey. "Egg sacks? Like spiders?"

Lindsey rocks her head side-to-side. "It's Hermiod's theory."

"Crap. Fold," Laura tosses in her cards. She leans back, taking a gulp of her scotch. "That's the little guy, right? The Asguard?" Laura nods, grinning into her drink. "Your boyfriend ever put on any clothes?"

Lindsey narrows her eyes at Laura. "Snarky, much?"

"Oooh," Sharon starts. "Sounds like someone's new alien boyfriend isn't putting out. Call." Sharon grins evilly at Lindsey. "Show me you're losing hand, Novak." Lindsey cracks her neck before laying down her flush of hearts. "Shit!" Sharon exposes her three kings. "That just sucks!"

"Stop growling and have another drink," Laura chides.

* * *

Non-stop giggles are taking the toll on the game and they've only been playing for two hours. "I'm telling you…he shines it!" Tabitha snorts a chuckle.

"No way!" Everyone else laughs.

Tabitha nods. "Just like a bowling ball."

Katriana tries to sip her drink, but starts laughing again. "That does explain the glare."

Tabitha laughs harder, slapping at the table. "Ohmygod…ohmygod," she wipes tears from her eyes. "You should have seen Sheppard's face! I swear that's what he was thinking the first time he looked at Caldwell's head."

Spurts of laughter wrack the women.

* * *

A serious game has quieted the table. Tabitha's already out and is now the sole dealer. She's doing her best to keep things light, but the real war is between Sharon and Laura, though the other three are far from out, they have folded this hand. Sharon's eyes study Laura, neither soldier willing to give even the slightest tell. They've been seeing and raising for nearly five minutes.

"Raise…" Laura picks up two red chips. "Twenty."

Sharon cocks a brow. "See that…raise you twenty-five."

Laura cocks her head. "Call." And a collective gasp escapes the table.

"Straight flush, ten high" Sharon says smiling broadly, spreading out her hand.

Laura bursts out laughing. "Holyshit." She glances around the table. "Someone wanna tell me the odds on this one?" And lays down her ten high straight flush as well.

"Fuckme!" Sharon says, eyes wide.

"Grow a penis first," Katriana giggles, cocking her head. "Then maybe." She sips her drink. "But I make no guarantees." Laughter floats around the table and Sharon clinks her mug with Katriana's.

"Dealer's call," Lindsey says.

Tabitha looks over each hand. "Spades over Hearts. Laura gets it."

Sharon smacks the table and growls. "Seriously, what are the odds?" She looks to Katriana.

Katriana raises a brow. "What am I C-3PO?"

"Well he was British," Katie offers cleaning up the cards as Laura takes away the winnings.

"So you must know him…by law," Tabitha adds with a smirk.

Laughter all around again.

* * *

"New game," Tabitha announces. "Subliminal poker."

"Whatthe-" Sharon starts but Tabitha holds up a silencing hand.

"It's simple. You each get one card, but you're not allowed to look at it. You press it to your forehead so others can see it and you can see theirs. Each of you bets that your card is the highest by reading the other players faces."

Katriana nods. "It's a game of tells. Interesting concept."

Sharon rolls her eyes. "Of course you would think so, Dr. Brain." She hooks a thumb at Katriana. "She tell y'all why McKay hates her so much?"

"He doesn't hate me," she snorts a chuckle. "But he does dislike me immensely."

Lindsey leans on the table. "Why? What'd you do?"

Katriana shrugs. "I scored thirty percent higher on the Mensa Test."

"No way!" Laura and Lindsey laugh.

"And I was three years younger than him when I took it."

Laura's laughing so hard she nearly falls off her chair, making everyone giggle. Laura wipes her eyes. "Oh, he _must_ hate you."

After a couple of moments, they return to the game. Tabitha's about ready to deal when Sharon raises another hand. "How 'bout five card stud?"

Laura holds up a finger. "Dealer's choice. And I think it sounds interesting. Where'd you learn it?"

Tabitha deals out a single card to each woman and shrugs a shoulder. "Sgt. Stackhouse."

"Oh?" the group says in one voice.

"You played poker with Sgt. Stackhouse?" Laura asks, putting a bit of suggestion in her voice.

Tabitha blushes and the others exchange knowing glances. Finally Katie's soft voice speaks up, leaving everyone in the dust with her seemingly innocent question. "So, Tabs…was this naked poker for two?"

Laura sucks in a gasp, covering her mouth and the others burst out laughing, except for Tabitha, her cheeks are bright red. Laura grabs Tabitha around the shoulders and gives her a side hug. "Little Tabs got some finally."

Tabitha pushes her away and sneers. "Like you're one to talk, missy. Seen Dr. Beckett for that physical have you? Hmm?"

"Not quite yet," Laura says.

Katriana grins wickedly. "Laura…Dr. Beckett?"

Laura shrugs, not the least bit concerned. "Come on…you haven't seen those beautiful baby blues or those dimples?"

Sharon snorts a laugh. "Katriana's too busy checking out someone's tight ass."

Katriana shoves Sharon's shoulder. "And you're not. You'd jump him in two seconds."

"One-tenth of a second, actually," Sharon smiles. "But who at this table wouldn't?"

Katie raises her hand. "Who are we talking about exactly?"

Sharon and Katriana exchange glances before sighing heavily. "Col. Sheppard."

"Ahhh," the others chorus.

Katie raises her brows. "I don't know…I kind of like Dr. McKay."

"MCKAY!" They all gape at her.

* * *

"Animal," Sharon growls.

Laura shakes her head. "Where do you get that? He's gentle and soft spoken."

Sharon chuckles. "So he's got to be an animal in bed. You'll let us know won't you, Laura."

Laura hits Sharon with a poker chip. "Depends. I may never find out."

"You should chat him up on that mission tomorrow, eh? Treat him to a fair share of that Cadman charm." Katriana says looking over her cards. "I'm in." She tosses in her bet.

"What about Stackhouse, Tabs. Tiger or pussy cat?" Lindsey asks.

Tabitha rolls her eyes and raises her brows. "I'm not one to kiss and tell."

"So," Lindsey grins. "There was kissin'."

Tabitha quirks her grin at Lindsey. "Who's you're boy-toy these days?"

Sharon fake-coughs: "Hermiod."

Lindsey plays along. "I could do worse. And believe me, I have." She sighs, folding her cards. "I'm living vicariously through you all right now."

"Awww," the others chorus.

"That's so pathetic," Sharon chuckles.

Lindsey nods her head side-to-side. "Yep, Sharon and I are two of a kind."

Katriana raises a finger. "I'll join that pity party. My eyes may wander…but my hands and my bed are empty." Laura plays a tiny violin for her friends.

Sharon jibes Katriana in the ribs and motions to the silent Katie. "I bet McKay's a good lover… all emotional and tender."

Laura snickers. "Depends on if he can get his foot out of his mouth long enough to get anything done."

Katie rolls her eyes. "Sorry I mentioned it. I'm in."

"Fold," Sharon says. "Now, Col. Sheppard-"

"Animal," They all say at once.

Katriana starts chuckling and everyone looks at her, waiting. They start to laugh just from the sheer torment she's putting herself through.

"What?" Lindsey asks.

Through her laughter, Katriana gushes: "Kavanaugh."

"Ewww!" Sharon groans.

All the women lock eyes and nod, cracking up. "Virgin!"

* * *

The tide has turned and only Lindsey, Katie and Laura are still in the game, however everyone is exceedingly drunk and the giggles are non-stop. Even Katie, with her mouse voice has let loose some zingers, leaving them teary-eyed and gasping.

"Well, I'd have to say…8," Tabitha announces.

Laura balks. "Really? And this is out of how many?"

"Three total." Tabitha exhales heavily. "Let's just say…the Sergeant knows how…and where to kiss a woman."

A universal thrill rushes through the rest. "That does it," Sharon groans. "Now I'm officially horny."

"I hate that word," Katie sighs.

Katriana clears her throat. "Would you prefer erotically charged?"

Katie gapes at Katriana for a long moment then burst into laughter as the others join in. "Since we haven't had our date yet…I'll have to rate Dr. McKay as an unofficial 6."

"No way," Tabitha says. "You can't go beyond a 4 for someone you've never even kissed."

"What can I do? His voice makes my toes curl and that's an automatic 5, so he can only go up from there."

Sharon snickers. "Let's hope he goes down too."

Katie sneers. "What about you, Sharon. No conquests of late?"

"I'm workin' on it. But I must say, my boyfriend's making it very difficult. He's too busy having eye-sex with someone else to even notice me."

"That would be me," Katriana says grinning.

"Not!" Sharon tosses back.

Laura nods. "I think I've seen what you're talking about. And have you noticed…where ever he goes… and vice versa."

"Like magnets," Katie says.

Lindsey raises her finger. "You don't think they're…"

The women share a seemingly psychic thought then all of them shake their heads. "Naw."

After a moment, Laura says: "I'll have to say…unofficial 7."

"Now that's pushing it," Sharon grunts.

Laura makes a face. "I'm taking Katie's curled toes and raising an unexpected, but thoroughly enjoyable dream visit."

"Oooh, that's definitely good," Lindsey says.

Katriana flicks her cards. "What do you think about _him_?"

"Who him?" Laura asks before realization smacks her in the face. "Oh. Definitely a 10." Katriana nods. Lindsey and Tabitha exchange "oh yeahs" and even Katie chimes in with a husky "absolutely."

Sharon shoots Katie a look. "Thought you liked Dr. McKay."

Katie giggles softly. "Doesn't mean I don't have eyes. Let's face it. The man is a walking sex party."

"Mmm hmm," they all sigh.

"What's going on?"

All six turn toward the door at the same time, eyes wide in shock, none of them had even noticed when it opened. Laura's the first out of her seat. "Oh, Dr. Weir."

"Lieutenant," Dr. Weir nods. "Ladies." She looks back at Laura. "You realize you have a briefing in seven hours, correct?"

Laura nods. "Yes, ma'am."

Dr. Weir nods again, smiling. "Okay then." She looks around the table. "Who won the door prize?"

Katriana raises her hand. Dr. Weir winks and smirks devilishly. "I told you." Katriana gives her a two-fingered salute. Dr. Weir turns back to Laura, smiling mischievously. "So? Where's my bribe?"

Katie's brows shoot up. She glances around the table; none of the others seem shocked. Sharon smirks at Dr. Weir. "She's new."

"Oh, the rookie," Dr. Weir smirks. "Don't let them clean you out."

Katie shrugs. "I brought pretzels."

Dr. Weir knits her brows, trying not the laugh. "Good for you."

By this time, Laura has pulled out the white wrapped box with the gold stickers on the ends. "For your enduring blind eye, ma'am."

Dr. Weir grins delightedly and takes the two pound box off Laura's hands. "See's Candy? You're so great."

Katriana smirks. "We only bribe with the best. But seriously, Dr. Weir, you should join us some time."

Dr. Weir seems to be considering that when…"Dr. Weir," Col. Sheppard suddenly appears in the doorway. "There you are." He sticks his head inside and waves to the others. "Ladies," flashing his adorable grin.

"Colonel," the ladies return with big smiles.

He turns his attention back to Dr. Weir. "We need to discuss that other matter."

Dr. Weir looks confused for a moment then a light shines in her eyes. "Oh yes, that…other matter." She glances back at the women in the room. "Night ladies. As you were." Then the two senior officers disappear out the door.

As soon as the door shuts, Laura glances at the others, narrows her eyes then shakes her head. "Naw."

The doors part quickly again and Dr. Weir leans inside and whispers: "Ladies? I'd go with an unofficial 11." With that, she's gone and the door slips shut.

Everyone stares with mouths gaping until finally Katie's soft voice breaks the silence. "Unofficial my ass." She snorts a laugh. "They are _so_ doing it."

* * *

"I can't believe she won the pot!" Sharon growls, peeling open one eye to get a last glimpse of the booty.

"What can I say, I really wanted that Dr. Pepper."

Katriana sneers. "Sure you did." And the others chuckle.

"Face it ladies. We've been had." Tabitha cradles her chin in her hands. "She's no beginner."

Lindsey lifts her head from the table, not realizing there's a potato chip stuck to her cheek. "It's always the quiet ones."

Laura zips up the duffel and hands it to Katie. "Now, just because you won the…" Laura sighs dejectedly and her voice cracks. "Condoms… doesn't mean you should give it up on the first date."

Katie hoists the bag over her shoulder. "Please…we're talking about Rodney McKay," she says. "The man's more uptight than…Sharon's a ho."

"Hey!" Sharon considers it then nods. "Yeah, that's fair." She perks up bit. "So, you wanna leave those with me?"

Katie quirks the side of her mouth. "Nope." She cocks an eyebrow. "I plan on loosening him up…a bit." With a big grin, she waves and heads out the door. "Morning, ladies." The others offer weak waves in return.

Katriana snickers. "I do believe that lass is planing on dancin' a bit of the horizontal shag."

Lindsey drops her head backward and stares up at the ceiling. "It's always the quiet ones."

Sharon rolls her head to look at Katriana. "You don't think she's right about…"

Katriana's eyes widen a bit and she makes a face. "Naw."

Sharon nods and smiles happily. "Me neither."

Laura checks her watch as she drops back into her chair; she has two hours before her mission briefing. She leans back in her chair, crosses her arms, closes her eyes and grins.

Life on Atlantis _rocks_!

**End**


End file.
